Custody agreement basics: what every parent needs to know

A custody agreement is more than paperwork, it’s the foundation for how you and your co-parent will raise your child after separation or divorce. It defines where your child will live, how decisions are made, and how you’ll handle challenges along the way. A clear, thoughtful custody agreement gives both parents structure and helps children feel secure during a period of change.

Updated October 15, 2025 by KidSplit Editorial Team

What a custody agreement covers

At a minimum, a custody agreement should explain:

  • Custody type: Who your child lives with (physical custody) and who makes big decisions (legal custody).
  • Parenting time schedule: How weekdays, weekends, holidays, and vacations are divided.
  • Decision-making protocols: Who decides on schooling, healthcare, religion, and activities.
  • Communication rules: How you’ll share updates and resolve disagreements.
  • Dispute resolution: What happens if you disagree. For example, mediation before court.

If you prefer structure, KidSplit’s custody agreement builder provides a ready-to-use framework to save time and reduce stress.

Understanding custody

Custody usually refers to two areas:

  • Legal custody: who makes important decisions about education, healthcare, and religion.
  • Physical custody: where the child lives and how time is shared between parents.

Parents or courts can decide to share either or both, depending on what supports the child’s wellbeing.

Types of custody arrangements

Sole Custody

One parent has both legal and physical custody. The other may have limited or supervised visitation.

Example: When one parent cannot provide safe housing due to substance abuse, the court may grant sole custody to the other parent.

Joint Custody

The most common arrangement, joint custody encourages shared responsibility.

  • Joint Legal Custody: Both parents make key decisions together.
  • Joint Physical Custody: The child spends substantial time with both parents. Often at least around 30% with each, though this varies by state.

Example: A “2-2-3” schedule (two days with each parent, alternating weekends) lets both stay actively involved.

Split Custody

Rarely used, but possible when siblings live separately to meet specific needs.

Real-life custody

Custody agreements need to work in everyday life. Common examples include:

  • Holiday schedules: Alternate or split major holidays.
  • Vacations: Allow for extended summer or travel periods.
  • Relocation: Address moves, costs, and virtual visits.
  • School and healthcare decisions: Require communication and shared updates.

Parents often forget details that prevent future conflict. Consider adding clauses for:

  • Right of First Refusal
  • Communication Rules
  • Travel and Passport Use
  • Extracurriculars and Cost Sharing
  • Transportation Logistics

Helpful insight: Parents who complete our custody match score often discover they already agree on 70–80% of these details before drafting a full agreement.

Parenting time by age and distance

Custody plans should evolve as your child grows:

  • Infants & Toddlers (0–3 years): Short, frequent visits help build attachment. Overnights may start gradually.
  • Preschool & Elementary (4–10 years): Children benefit from predictable routines, like alternating weeks or weekdays with one parent and weekends with the other.
  • Pre-Teens & Teens (11+ years): Older kids often want input. Agreements at this stage work best when they allow flexibility for school, sports, and friendships.

For long-distance parents, custody agreements should also cover:

  • Who pays for transportation.
  • Minimum notice before booking travel.
  • Direct flights for younger children.
  • Regular video calls to maintain connection.

How to make a custody agreement enforceable

A custody agreement only becomes legally binding once approved by a court. The usual steps are:

  1. Draft the agreement (on your own or with mediation tools).
  2. Both parents sign the document.
  3. File with the court for review.
  4. A judge’s approval makes it enforceable.

Modifying a custody agreement

Life changes, and so can custody. Relocation, job changes, or evolving child needs may require updates. Document any proposed changes and seek court approval to make them official.

Special situations

Some families face unique circumstances that require extra planning:

  • High-Conflict Parents: Parallel parenting helps minimize contact.
  • Children with Disabilities: Include care, therapy, and long-term support.
  • Military Parents: Deployment clauses protect parenting time.

Custody agreements and child support

Custody and child support often go hand-in-hand. Parenting time percentages can affect payment amounts, and many states use online calculators for estimates.

Jurisdiction: which court handles custody

When parents live in different states, the UCCJEA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act) decides which court has authority.

  • The child’s home state usually takes jurisdiction.
  • Emergency jurisdiction applies if a child's safety is at risk.

How to start with KidSplit

Before you create your custody agreement, it helps to understand how much you and your co-parent already agree. That’s where KidSplit’s Custody Match Score comes in. It’s a simple way to see your alignment before investing time or money in mediation or lawyers.

How it works:

  • Step 1: Answer simple questions about your custody preferences.
  • Step 2: Invite your co-parent to do the same.
  • Step 3: Once both have completed the questions, you’ll receive your Custody Match Score, a clear summary showing where you already align and where you differ.
  • Step 4: You’ll also see a recommended path forward to make progress confidently.

Most parents discover they agree on far more than they expected, and that’s often the first step toward a calm, clear custody agreement.


Get your custody match score

Frequently Asked Questions